In some silly ways having a chronic pain condition can be a blessing. I never would have believed this years ago. I mean what is to be thankful for about having an incurable chronic illness? Really though, there are some things that we can be thankful for. Here are a few things that having a chronic pain condition has taught me:
Good days are GREAT! When you live your life day to day not knowing how much pain you are going to be in that day, you tend to get extra excited about good days. A good day for me is a day with low pain levels or other crazy symptoms. You know, those days where you almost feel "normal"? Those days when your symptoms subside enough for you to ENJOY your very existence. You can't help but smile because you feel like you again. You feel like you actually have a personality, like you can just be yourself! These can be ordinary days for every other person around you, and nothing special happens on these days. No promotions, no abnormally nice people, nothing really makes that day special besides just NOT being in an alarming amount of pain. It is almost like you feel like a superhero, a ninja, on these days! And God, does it feel good!
It is funny really. Good days such as those are hard to come by, but when they do you try your best to make sure you get the most of it. I do not even want to go to sleep on those days because of the fear of loosing it. Loosing the freedom to be normal. To be like everyone else. To just have a day to be you again. I fear for not having any more good days because it has been so long, but it is something to hope for. We hope for good days and we pray that they will stick around for just a bit longer.
On those good days, we hold our children longer, we give them more hugs and kisses, and we get to play with them like we wish we could every other day. We spend more time with our loved ones and we get the opportunity to cherish them a little bit more because it is a good day. We spend less time fixated on our war-ridden bodies and have more energy for everyday things. You wouldn't think you would be excited to get the dishes done until you have a chronic illness that messes with your ability to do them. On good days I find joy in cooking, and cleaning, and working, and just walking without a limp. These everyday things would seem senseless to be so excited over to most people, but I know that other people living in chronic pain will understand exactly what I am talking about.
I guess what I am trying to get at here is that I may not like my illnesses, if fact I hate them all with a passion, but I do not hate what they have taught me. They have taught me to love a little deeper, to enjoy life despite my circumstances, and to find excitement in everyday things. For that, I am so thankful.
